


skinny love

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Malnutrition, Panic Attacks, Passing Out, Protective Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Social Media, Video Format: Streaming, georgenotfound is a mess, twitter is a hellsite, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: please PLEASE PLEASE read tags for all trigger warnings. take all of them into account because theyre huge reoccurring themes and i wont be trigger warning chapters separately.------------------------------george passes out on stream, this leads to a huge 'reveal' of things that are 'wrong' with him. his friends are worried because of the sudden crumbling in his facade of a normal, healthy life and want to help. but what is there to do when the person you're trying to help wont listen and lives across the ocean?
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 237
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello all, let me remind you all again to read the trigger warnings above. they are VERY important to know because this story was quite literally made to trigger/ express myself and let's face it i am severely mentally ill so this story WILL be projecting that. ANYWAYS! enjoy the first chapter.

George stared blankly at his monitor, the moving pictures easing his eyes. His brain muffled the sounds in his headphones. He knew he was doing something that he had to stop, but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were transfixed on nothing.

His mouth soured, tasting faintly fruity. He grimaced a bit, still attached to the nothingness.

The colorful movement on his monitor started fading black, alongside the rest of his room. His ears were now ringing, the voices going from muffled to too loud.

“George!” “George are you okay?” “George, hey buddy please answer”

He opened his mouth, eyes still glued to his screen, nothing came out. His body started shaking.

What the fuck. What was happening. He was going to die. Oh my God.

His body continued to vibrate, his head pounding, ears ringing painfully loud (almost drowning out the words of his friends), darkness engulfing his vision.

He tried to get up from his chair, he needed water, that’s what it was he was dehydrated. 

He pushes himself up, still not being able to talk. 

He makes it not even a foot from his chair before his shaky legs give out, sending him down to the floor.

The force of the fall is enough to knock a shuddering sob through him. He didn’t realize he was crying until now. 

This always happened, he never knew when something bad was happening until it was unmanageable and terrible.

He lays his head down on the carpeted floor of his bedroom, he lets himself shake and cry, he lets the black and purple dots take over his whole vision, he lets his limbs lay weakly at his sides.

He can’t hear anything but the obnoxious ringing in his ears, his headset was yanked off his head when he fell.

He hears another shrill sound accompany the ringing, this was it, this was when he died. The sound gets louder and louder and louder until it abruptly stops.

He vaguely hears his door burst open before he closes his eyes and falls unconscious.

-

When George opens his eyes again he’s swarmed by bright lights, slight beeping, and a low buzz.

He sits up, nervous, knowing immediately that he’s in the hospital.

He rips the blankets off of himself and tries to stand up, the heart monitor speeding up.

A nurse rushes in, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, hey calm down buddy” The man's voice comes out, steady and calming.

George sits back down on the bed, refusing to do anything else.

“What happened.” He pushes his voice out to make it seem stern but it comes out rough and crackelly. 

The nurse sighs and rubs his forehead, “Well, we don’t know for sure, stuck somewhere between Hypoglycemia and Malnutrition.”

George looks down, fuck, he felt caught like a kid with their hand in a candy jar. He grimaces at the poor timed analogy. 

He never thought it would get this bad, he had some, well, unhealthy eating habits to say the least.

“Alright” His voice cracks again, this time from nervousness “When am I getting discharged.”

The nurse looks at him and shakes his head, “We want you to stay here for a while, we want to run some tests just observe a bit.”

“Oh, alright” His voice quieter, he then adds a “Can I have my phone, please?”

“Sure,” He moves towards a cabinet, opens it and pulls his blue cased phone off of a charger and hands it to him.

George takes it gratefully and clicks it on, rubbing his head when he sees over 100 notifications. 

He doesn’t notice when the nurse walks out, he’s too engrossed in answering his friends.

Dreamie:  
George  
Are you okay?  
Please text me back when you get them  
Im worried please.  
Text me when youre safe okay?  
Youre trending on twitter  
I havent said anything yet no need to worry

Clay’s anxious rambling goes on for several more text messages, he answers once he reads them all.

George :]:  
Im safe don’t worry, i'm in the hospital right now

Dreamie:  
Thank god  
Sapnap was worried sick  
So was I  
If you couldnt tell  
Sorry still a bit shaken

George :]:  
Your fine lol  
Theyre just keeping me for a few more days then good as new!

Dreamie:  
Good, i miss you already  
Also check twitter  
If youre up for it  
You dont have too

George likes the message and scrolls to his twitter app. His notifications are fuller than usual. 

He opens trending, remembering what Dream mentioned before and sees “sexy officer” and “george” trending in the gaming tag.

He clicks on “sexy officer” the humor in the tag not quite settling in when he scrolls through looking for context. 

He finally comes up on a video, he clicks on it and sees his own room enlarge on his screen. He turns up his volume a bit and hears his own sobs echo through, Clay had gone silent at this point only his heavy anxious breathing could be heard. He cringes a bit but continues watching. His sobs die down almost as his door opens, revealing, well the “sexy officer.” He comes in, examines the room, squats down off camera and pops back up with George (well him) in his arms. He shifts Georges weight and walks to the computer and ends the stream. 

The video ends. He numbly clicks out of the tag and onto the “george” tag and sure enough it’s full of clips of him collapsing, staring off into space, crying, and worst of all Dream’s pleads. 

He didn’t want to hear his friend like that ever, let alone in this context. He shutters after scrolling for a bit before he realizes he should text Nick then make a ‘public announcement’ 

He clicks to messages and types out a quick ‘Hey dont worry, im fine just in the hospital right now. Im sorry i worried you” and sends it to Nick trying to will down the guilt of possibly upsetting his friends. 

He wishes he wasn't so difficult, he wishes that he could just eat normally and he sure as hell wished he didn’t have to write this tweet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a short chapter, sorry

“Hello George, have you decided on what you’d like to eat?” The nurse asks, a different one this time a tall woman with long blonde hair.

“Just the salad, please” He says, not really wanting to eat.

“Alright,” She walks out of the room to carry his request to the cafeteria.

He could get up, he could get it on his own but they put him on bedrest, not wanting to risk another fall.

He did like being unmobile. Even though his job was to sit at a desk he quite liked moving around.

He drags his hands down his face, he really did not want to be there. He would rather be at home, on discord talking to his friends, while playing Minecraft.

Nick hadn’t gotten back to him and Clay had also gone (surprisingly) radio silent. 

The silence should’ve been comforting but it wasn’t, it was making him anxious and guilty. He didn’t want to make his friends upset. But he did. He made them upset. Upset enough to stop talking to him completely, he was toxic. Maybe he deserved the silence. 

His puts his hands on his face and drags his nails down, applying a harsh pressure. He stops at his jaw, he quickly decides he’s unsatisfied and does it again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

His face has gone numb in some spots, he can’t feel the scratching anymore so he only pushes harder. He scratches again harder this time. He can feel it, he deserves it. He upset so many people, he’s the cause for so many people’s sadness. It’s his fault. He’s responsible for it. He runs his nails down again. His fault. His fault. His fault. His fault. Harder. His Fault. His Fault. His. Fault. HIS. FAULT. HARDER.

“George!” A nurse shouts, grabbing his hands from his face.

He fights it a bit before he truly realizes what he was doing, where he was, who was touching him. 

A dam breaks, tears fill his eyes and he starts sobbing. The numbness wears down and he can feel his face again, hot, white pain fills his senses. He can vaguely feel something dripping down his cheek, his forehead, jaw, and nose. 

More nurses swarm in the room as he sobs.

God, he was a wreck. 

-

George was sitting in his bed, bandaids littering his face. 

A doctor was speaking to him about something, he wasn’t paying attention. He couldn’t. He was more worried about how he was going to cover the bandaids and eventually scabs when he got back home and could stream. No face cam maybe? People would start getting suspicious.

“We want to put you into a clinic.” 

His head snaps up.

“What?” His full attention is suddenly on the doctor. 

“We w-”

“I heard you, but why?” 

The doctor looked at him like he was stupid.

“Well,” He tried to put it nicely but he really couldn’t “One, the malnutrition may be linked directly to an Eating Disorder.”

George cringed. He didn't like it when people said that.

“And we just found you scratching your face until you bled.” He deadpans.

George took a breath.

“I don’t want to.”

“We can’t force you to do anything but we think you should consider it.”

“Alright, I will, but I want to leave. Go home.”

The doctor sighs, “Alright, i’ll see what I can do.”

George quickly identifies a bit of a northern tint to his voice, he rolled his ‘R’ a bit. 

“Thank you.”

The doctor stood up, once again leaving George on his own. 

His hand reached up a bit, touching the band-aids on his face. His thin pale fingers then moved towards his eye which was a bit swollen from the pressure of his blunt fingernails. 

His eyes then drifted to the clock, 12:34pm.

This was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

George had ‘considered’ rehab and had decided that he wanted to go home.

There was nothing that a doctor could do that he couldn’t do himself. Well, at least mentally. 

He had handled it well before, he just had to keep doing that. 

He checked out later that day, putting on his old clothes and shoving his phone in his back pocket he left happily. 

He was excited to finally go home, even if he was only at the hospital for a few days. 

He takes an Uber home, seeing as he couldn’t drive and he only had ‘virtual’ money on him. 

He thanks the driver and walks to his front door, he unlocks it and rushes inside.

He puts his phone and moves to the kitchen, he grabs a tall clear cup and starts filling it with water. 

He jumps at the unexpected knocking at his door. He puts the cup down and moves quickly through his hallway to go answer the door, the knocking becoming more frequent and loud. 

He opens the door, the stranger still has there fist in the air when he is finally in view. 

“Hello?” George says. 

He looks up at the taller man at the door. 

“Uh.” Is the only thing that comes out of the taller man's mouth.

“What do you need?” He runs a hand through his disheveled hair.

“George.”

A string of familiarity runs through him, he can’t quite pin why it’s familiar though.

“Yes, that is me.”

“Sorry, I just, I panicked, and” The man takes a breath “Surprise!”

He pulls out a poorly made mask with a smiley face drawn on it, he puts it up to his face before pulling it back down, a terribly awkward smile on his face the entire time.

“Dream,” George is dumbfounded (and now a bit insecure of his messy look) “How did you get my address?”

“What a greeting,” 

“That’s not an answer” George interrupts, now ushering the blond boy inside. 

“You gave it to me a while ago, for merch you know.”

“Ah,” He says, suddenly remembering “Well I was just drinking some water, so, uh, welcome to Britain I guess?”

“Thank you”

George ushers him into the kitchen, his water cup still standing tall on the table. 

George goes up to itch his face and comes in contact with a soft latex, his eyes widen, and he puts his arm down.

“So..” Dream says, not knowing how to approach the situation.

George takes a drink of his water.

“What happened?” Dream finally asks.

“I got sick and was sent to the hospital” George says plainly, not wanting to reveal anything. 

“But, why, why were you in the hospital?”

“Malnutrition,” He quickly adds, “I must’ve forgot to eat something because of the stream.”

“George that’s not how malnutrition works.”

“How would you know?” He says defensively.

“George, I studied medicine and wanted to be a nurse tech for years.”

Oh. He forgot about that. 

“And the face bandaids, what’s that about?” He’s being blunt, but he knows that this is the only way he’ll get George to answer him.

“Scratched myself a bit,” The answer is vague.

“George.”

“I scratched myself, a lot?” It comes out as a question rather than a statement. 

“Just tell me what happened.”

George sighs loudly, takes another drink of water and thinks. He weighs, pun intended, the situation. If he told Clay he’d freak out, try to stop him. If he didn’t tell Clay he’d be lying, and he really didn’t want to lie to his friend.

“Fine,” He moves to his living room, leaving the cup behind.

Dream follows shortly behind him, sitting on his couch with him.

“Basically, they said that I was malnourished, that they wanted to put me in the loony bin, I freaked out, hurt myself, yada yada, I’m back home I’m talking to you!” He speaks fast, ending his sentence on a weak clap then adds, “Anyways, how was your trip?”

“Lovely, thank you. George are you anorexic?”

George eyes widen and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting those to be the words to come out of his mouth. 

“What?! No! I’m not fucking anorexic Dream!” It was only half a lie, the right term was ‘Bulimia.’

“Then do you have an eating disorder?” Clay took his silence as a cue to keep going, “You know, EDNOS, bulimia, BED, PICA?” 

George opens his mouth then closes it again, he can’t avoid the question this time. 

“No,” George states plainly, “Not skinny enough.”

He goes to reach for his water but realizes it wasn’t with him, he awkwardly snakes his arm back to his body and cringes when he sees Dream’s mouth open and his eyes confused.

“Eating disorders aren’t weight disorders, they're a mental illness.”

Deep down, George knows this. He also knows that he has a severe issue and that he should admit that he does have an eating issue but he really doesn’t want to. 

“So which is it?” Dream eggs on, once more continuing his one sided conversation.

“What?” George finally answers.

“EDNOS?” 

“Dr-”

“PICA?”

“Dream, stop-”

“BED”

“No, come on-”

“Bulimia?”

George goes silent.

“It’s bulimia isn't it?” Clay sighs and puts his head in his hands.

George shifts his eyes down, feeling a bit guilty. For what? He didn’t know. 

“I’m not upset, I’m just sad.” Dream finally says after a few minutes of silence, his voice crackling in laughter

“I know,” George’s voice is quiet and confused.

He tucks his legs up onto the couch and watches as his friend laughs turn into hysterical sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed, please leave feedback on this (if you want to) this was actually based on a true story, the only thing that isn't true is yk the streaming part i was simply on a videocall with my boyfriend at the time


End file.
